Who Would be a Wedding Photographer??

It was about this time last year when not of sane mind and slightly emotionally disturbed that I decided to feed my addiction by entering into the world of wedding photography. I was very pleased at having thought of such a cunning plan and if the Taxman is reading this, well I only cover my expenses, in fact sometimes I get over zealous and give the prints away- honestly!

Cunning plan indeed, but I should have listened to those immortal words of Robbie Burns "the best laid schemes o' mice an men…" oh should I have taken heed!

I started down the rocky road to fame thinking "I can do this, it will be a breeze"……... My bubble was broken fairly quickly when one client approached me to check that I didn't have a dog phobia – in actual fact it was a Pit Bull phobia and the said doggy was to be invited to the nuptials and at one stage he was to be the "ring bearer" but common sense and the nice woman at the Registrars objection prevailed.

We move quickly on now to the Registrars – especially North Shields Registrar's. 12 o'clock weddings – nightmare, in fact 11.30 weddings to be more precise as they come out at noon. Whoever modified the Stag Line offices needs to be shot. The balcony that every couple wants their group shots taken on faces south and if it is a sunny day then you have had it. I have only done two weddings there one in November and one in June and both events were bathed in brilliant sunshine – how unlucky is that. One would have thought that you could have at least put money on the June wedding being rained off but no.

This takes me to group shots. First tip, make sure that if you are calling for a significant other that he or she is not dead (like the Grooms father etc) .. it kind of pours cold water on the proceedings, a lesson I learnt very quickly. Divorced families, squabbling siblings, the bridesmaids (one 4'6" and the other 6'2") all make for an interesting afternoon. Second tip, don't do group shots.

Now for the big one, technology. Who needs laxatives when technology can let you down. The words "CF Card Not Formatted" still makes me shudder. When this happened to me someone up there must have been looking down on me that day as I noticed it before the actual ceremony had begun. Now I know I can tell a good tale but how would I have explained that one! More horrors were yet to come – new to the game I had not bargained on losing a Card (my own fault, yet another lesson – always check your gear) and I was running out of memory very quickly (the gigabyte kind) –

Husband to the rescue yet again but instead of dashing to PC World to purchase an emergency supply, no no that is far too simple, he thought it would be a good idea to take the used cards, download them on the PC at home and bring the wiped down cards back to me at the Reception. All well and good except I remember standing there staring after the fast retreating car thinking he doesn't know how to transfer and save onto my PC…swear word swear word.

All, however, has turned out well and I live to tell the tale, the tale of the wedding cake made out of donuts, the bride with two dresses, the dodgy helicopter, the bride with the Mother in Law phobia, the black and white wedding, the one where the Best Man turned out to be a woman etc etc.

Anyway I must dash, but if anyone asks you to do their wedding think long and hard as trust me it has nothing whatsoever to do about Photography!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!